Atonement
by NocteNoctuam
Summary: Bella prevents Edward from leaving. New Moon AU.


Chapter 1: Realizations

"I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when or if we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare." - New Moon

I shot straight up from the bed. My heart was pounding, and a feeling of unease took over me. I felt chilled to the bone despite the warm temperature.

Could Edward really leave? Had he already made the decision to leave?

No...No...No. My heart raced at the thought.

I grabbed my cellphone and hit Alice's number.

"Alice?"

"Bella."

Her somber tone seemed to confirm my deepest fears. The nightmare had already begun.

"Is there anything I can do to change his decision?" I asked fretfully. I heard her sigh, ''Bella, you know Edward. He is as stubborn as an ox."

I could feel tears sliding now my cheeks. Hastily, I wiped them away. I felt numb from her words.

"Please Alice..."

"Bella, I don't know how you will respond to him or his words. I don't see many positive outcomes from his decision. You will need to convince him otherwise. Remember, Edward loves you."

At her words, I felt a surge of anger. Love me? Make unilateral decisions without informing me? Pretending to know what is best for me? Even though I believed Edward loved me, I needed be his equal in terms of making decisions.

"Don't lash out at me, Bella. I know this is difficult, but you need to be strong. He has been alone for a century. He doesn't know how to cope with being in love. You need to be Edward's knight in shining armor."

I grit my teeth. If I said anything right now, I knew I was bound to regret it. So, I hung up the phone. Difficult was understating it. I had to fight with Edward every step of the way to maintain this relationship. I felt tired knowing that no matter what I did it was useless. How could he behave like this? What was going through his mind? Suddenly his words after the James incident hit me:

"As long as it was best for you."

After Jasper attacked me, his whole idea of being safe must have changed. He saw me being attacked by his brother. Being almost killed over a paper cut must have changed his perspective on what he thought was safe. I felt goosebumps on my arms as I remembered how Jasper lunged at me. Oh, Edward...

Although my anger was starting to lessen, it was still bubbling underneath the surface. Despite his best intentions, Edward couldn't make unilateral decisions for us. He needed to discuss his thoughts with me. Alice's words ran through my head over and over like record. My anger resurfaced with a vengeance when I realized that Edward and his family both contributed to this problem. They planned a birthday party regardless of my protests. They forced me to attend prom. Alice took me multiple shopping trips without my permission. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes. I let them do this. I let them run all over me and treat me like a doll. None of them took my wishes into consideration despite their best intentions. I knew their intentions were good, but I couldn't allow them to treat me this way.

Why were they behaving like this? I thought about Edward and everything he said to me. Deep in my heart, I knew he loved me with every fiber of his being, but would that be enough? How could he make such decisions without talking to me? How could he prioritize his wishes for me over my happiness? He didn't communicate with me regarding his fears or intentions.

Edward Cullen, how I love thee. How could his century's worth of experience not taught him anything about women?

Century...He wasn't from this time period. Of course! Women behaved differently in the early 1900s. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course, this man is out of his element. The combination of his upbringing and century alone shaped his perspective much more than I anticipated.

Feeling a bit more hopeful, I turned on my computer. Frustrated with the slow pace of the it starting the computer, I went downstairs to grab some cereal. When I returned, I typed in:  
"Men in the early 19th century".

The first search result: "Gender Roles in the Early 20th Century."

I clicked the link excitedly.

"Men were expected to provide for their families. Although some women worked in textile factories and clothing shops, many women were expected to be homemakers."

I scrolled down to see multiple designs of women with their children. As I kept read the article, one quote grabbed my attention immediately:

"Society thought of men as protectors of their families. They took on the dominant role regarding finances, business, and work."

Aha! This explained Edward's need to keep me safe and buy me expensive gifts. One of his ways of showing love was through tokens. Sadly, my safety seemed to be more important than his or my happiness. I could feel the tears coming again, but I held them back. I couldn't let him do this. I couldn't let him break our relationship. I needed to face him headstrong.

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AN: What do you guys think? Please review! Also, I hope you have a great year ahead!


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